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9/29/2006 exerciseThese last couple of months i have been feeling like a rag especially as i had put on some weight.It's funny how i put on weight quite quickly without even realising and then one day it seems to hit me .It's one thing that i really hate .When i was younger i would get rid of it quickly but nowadays it is more of a task.I always had this thing about people being overweight .I could never hide it.When i met someone who was overweight some way or other i would show my disapproval.I used to keep asking myself"why the hell are they so fat? Can't they stop eating somehow." It had to come out.So i really hate it knowing i have put on weight.I keep thinking what the hell am i doing here when i can't stand someone else being overweight.I have to do something about it.It is not only about the weight but exercise makes me feel a lot better overall.Makes me feel more tonic and raring to go.Still i kept postponing from this week to next as the resolution kept wavering.Age has made it more difficult most probably as well.
Finally after about six months now i managed to start going for my forgotten walks. I used to go about three times a week till last xmas.Then i stopped for various reasons one of them being xmas with all the eating and drinking it brings with it ,i couldn't find the time then so i stopped.Once i stopped that was it as it was then a huge task to get started again.Kept swearing all summer to myself that next week i will wake up early and go for a walk before i go to work as i used to do before but it never happened.How hard it is getting up at 5'o'clock in the morning.A lot of time i put the alarm on and then when i got up i just put it off and go back to sleep thinking where the hell i am going.
So here i am.Today it is the fifth time i went.I tried to do a longer route as i am off today so i had some time to spare. I went to the Speranza bridge and then to Targa gap and all the way to near the War cemetry near Rabat turning towards the crafts village from the new bypass ,then to Attard and down to Mosta.Suppose about 8 miles in all,or maybe a bit more .Don't really know but anyway it took me about an hour and a half altogether .My legs are getting used to it so i quite enjoyed it especially considering the nice weather we are having at the moment.The temperature was around 24 c i guess .Actually i started a bit late really as it was around 8.30 already,so at the end it was getting a bit too hot,still it didn't bother me as i really had a good time.The hard bit now is keeping it up .I know that later i will feel better when i get used to it so that i hope makes my resolve stronger to keep going. 9/26/2006 jumping off I went shopping this morning and they were talking about that some woman had jumped off mosta bridge just earlier.What a waste of life eh. It is a very ironic way of solving her problem while creating loads more for all her family and friends.Who will take away the pain from her family?Who knows eh why these people choose to end their life in such a desperate way.Really sad.
Some time ago i used to find this kind of opting out of life very hard to swallow.Used to say that you must be mentally unstable to do this. Is it so easy to just end it there?
A few years later in life, nowadays i can empathize with these people a bit more .There are episodes in life that make us see it all black. A really black tunnel with no way out.Things go wrong and the more one does to try to solve them the worse they become .Quite a few times one disaster succeeds another.Our mind seems to just focus on the dark side of things from there onwards not even giving a chance to thoughts that there might be some way out of the darkness.Yes sometimes when things get too tough our mind goes into a spin.Most probably we have all been through episodes in life where all at once the only thing our mind thinks of is the easiest way out of it all.When this happens there is no more logic in the way we behave .At the end most people will concentrate on finding a way out and most will make it but the odd one will just go on a self distruct mode.What a shame.
I have been in situations like this quite a few times but i never remember myself thinking of ending my life.Maybe so far my mind has been a little bit stronger .Normally when i am down i try to stop and take stock of things and try to make something positive out of it.It is very hard but a lot of the time it works.Life is not really so bad that deserves ending it in so a drastic way.I just hope that it will never come to that.When you take out all the black out of life there is still some colour left.Never give up. 9/16/2006 mirageFinally this week i had some time to spare so i got to start reading a book a friend gave me about three months ago called "MIRAGE" by paul wilson and matthew costello.Quite an interesting book .The story is about two twins who when just kids had their minds tampered with in a scientific experiment .Their supposed father put them through hell to prove his theory that you can manipulate their mind to create two totally different personalities.Then he kills both their mother and his brother when he finds out she was two timing him and the kids where in reality his brother's.
The weaker twin Samantha goes through life always on the brink of disaster as her mind is very weak while her twin now is a very well known scientist on the brink of a very important discovery. It is called memoryscape which is a machine which is able to go into the mind and read what ever is in the memory.All the past memories come back to live again.So julie gets to use this machine to try to get sam back to normal life when she falls into a very deep coma and everybody else looses hope she can make it.Finally she uses her own brain to repair her sisters brain to get her out of her coma but on the way she finds out about her uncle and parents past.
A very interesting plot i think.Somthing anyone would like to be able to do.Access our own memory to relive the past. confusionI woke up this morning and i just sat there on the edge of the bed looking at the mirror.Something i don''t normally do so often and then in the morning,but today i was in a strange mood. Most probably as i was wokin by the thunder and lightning of the storm we had earlier on.
Is this the same me of a few years back?Apart from the few white hairs here and there and the wrinkles that now are starting to show,plus the aches and pains that i get in the morning i think it's still me overall. I always used to consider myself quite a positive person.The difference now is that i feel that the older i am getting the more negative my attitude is becoming.Seems that the aging is going on more on the inside.My actions don't respond to what my brain is saying.My life seems to have fallen into a deep rut from which i can't find a way out.A lot of things i feel are not right at the moment and would like to change them but when it comes to do something about them there is no will.It is like when on the computer all the programms freeze and you can't do anything.Where i was full of energy before now it takes me ages to finally decide to do something.I used to always try to find something to do when i had some time for myself but lately i am not so bothered anymore.Most of the time i do the things that are inevitable and the rest i just leave somewhere on a virtual shelf just hoping that someday i am in a better frame of mind and then i get to it.Does this happen to anyone?Is this one of the signs of aging?Well i just hope it is a passing moment .I was always terrified of this as i used to notice some of the older people seem to moan and moan most of the time. Like there is nothing left in life for them any more.I just hope it all goes away as soon as possible.Just like a bad dream.Don't take me wrong ,i am not thinking of jumping off the cliffs so far but i am hoping for better times. 9/3/2006 Temp strambKont qieghed naqra din il-gimgha fuq il-gazzetta li Awwissu kien l-iktar mirjieh fost dawn l-ahhar snin.Nghid ghalija jien qatt ma niftakar temp bhal dan f'awwissu ghax normalment ikun vera shun.Is-sena xi hadd qalli it-temp qieghed xahar bil quddiem u nahseb li naqbel mieghu mija fil-mija .Kien ghadu Mejju meta kellna heatwave u keinet telghet xi 39c u wara qisu kien fuq rollercoaster.Daqqa titla u daqqa tinzel.Biss Awwissu kellna min kollox ghax ghal bidu kien shun imma l-ahhar hmistax thawwad ghal kollox eh.Is-sibt ta qabel santa marija kien anke ghamel ix-xita u kien ghamel mhux hazin.Anke in-nar ta l-art tal-festa ixxarrab u hafna nies kienu qieghdin jistennew li anqas jaqbad imma ta' l-inqas il-bicca kbira hadem ok.Din l-ahhar gimgha kien qisu diga nofs settembru .Nhar is-sibt morna sa marsaskala nghumu .Il-bahar tghidx kemm kien sabih u anke shun imma kif titla kien naqra ir-rih u kont tiksah mill-ewwel jekk ma tixxuttax.
It-temp mad-dinja kollha mid-dehra qieghed jinqaleb ghax daqqa tisma li hemm gharghar post u daqqa iehor u uragani.Diga kellna il-messiku bl'uragan JOHN.Nispera li ma jkollniex in-numru ta'uragani li kellna is-sena l-ohra li kienu kissru l-amerika .Il-bierah qrajt li l-ozone hole qieghedin jahsbu li tista tinghalaq sa nofs is-seklu 21.Min jaf eh.Jien nahseb li mhux l-ozone hole biss qieghda taffettwa imma il-hmieg u in-nugrufun li tfajna fl'atmosfera u il hafna testijiet atomici li saru minghajr hafna drabi hadd ma jkun jaf.Meta se jirnexxilna niftiehmu forsi jirnexxilna ma naghmlux iktar hsara ? |
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