I always wondered what it feels like to being half a century of age. Wow. It is an interesting thought . Something that is very difficult to fathom in your head as time is something abstract. I remember asking myself if I will one day get to this age or if I will still be around. Well somehow here i am today celebrating 50 and feeling the same as i felt yesterday .This morning is going to be hard to get me in a celebratory mood as i woke up with a bad headache .Last night i only slept a couple of hours only as something i had last night has upset my stomach quite badly.

     Time goes by and leaves it's signs .Used to hear people say that life begins at forty but i can't see how .Most probably some people keep repeating this saying trying to convince themselves that everything is still the same .Nobody wants to grow older i suppose if it was an option .One has to accept it and live accordingly. I see quite a few people in everyday life that continue to dress and behave like they are still teenagers but i feel that they are only making fools of themselves as the age is there and nothing will make it go away with all the acting one can do .I would say forty is the apex of one's life and then it starts down hill whatever they all say.One normally has accomplished most of his projects up to that age.

     One thing that happens as you grow older is that  your kids grow up and start building their own life and making their own decisions and you start being sidelined .At once you start having more time for yourself again but it's a difficult situation as most probably before the family is normally the center of your life.You live for the kids so you loose a lot of your friends so now you try to start making new friends and finding new interests . I try to make most of it but now a few things are not the same any more .Some of the enthusiasm  of being young has been toned down a lot now .Things that excited me a lot before now don't anymore as i have been there and done it all before .I am slower  to do things and while before i was always trying to do something different it is harder and i need more time.The enthusiasm is a lot more sober.

             The big question now is . Do i feel fifty ? Definitely  yes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do these young ones think nowadays.Mine is sixteen now since the first week of July .I tended to think that somehow when they become sixteen they become a bit more mature and responsible.They start realizing how hard life can be and how much you have to work and study hard to find a rewarding job.He seems to be in some cocoon of his not connected to the rest of the world.When I ask what do you want to do later. Boq.......... That's the answer i get .He says i will think about it later. Later when? Later................From what i know these days they have a lot more information and guidance about every subject there is under the sky .I just can't understand all the indecision .He wants to go to the junior college but has failed his exams in Maltese language so he has to do the resits in September .I found him a teacher to do some private tuition in ST Paul's bay where he goes once a week. Actually the first day he went he got lost somehow and i burnt half my mobile phone card trying to explain from home where he has to go without being sure if he was explaining properly where he was at the time.     I have done my utmost to find him a summer job part time. Well i was lucky that through a friend of mine i got him a job as waiter in one of the top hotels.  I had to really push him to even make him think about it first of all.and then no enthusiasm at all.I did all i could to make it really easy for him .Driving him to and back all the time and making all the arrangements running from government office to another to fix the papers and then phoning  the personnel manager so i made sure he doesn't loose the job to someone else .Nothing from him like it was my duty to do it all for him and just put it on a plate in front of him .

         Anyway finally he started work at the beginning of last week and it was like the end of the  world on the second day when he came home and i was about to loose my temper then the things he was saying. Why do i have to go to work. I don't need money . I don't go to paceville. I Need some time for myself .Yeh time to stay glued to the computer and play the video games with his online friends.Actually i don't mind that if it was reasonable but no it is all day long and maybe at night as well.Just staring at this damned screen. What a way to spend the day eh.

       First couple of days at work were maybe a bit harder as the jacket he had ordered wasn't ready so they kept him inside doing the drying of plates and dishes just out of the dishwasher. Tedious job in a way but it's part of the work but i had to do a lot of convincing to make him see that when this blessed jacket arrives then he will be on the floor like the others meeting people and a bit more fun.Since Monday he has got the jacket and he has started serving at the tables now so when he came home the mood was a lot better so i have to keep my fingers crossed now that all is well.I hope he realizes that that bit of money he gets can serve maybe to put an installment on a new car when he is 18 or to use for his schooling from September. I just pray now that things go well and finally he wakes up to reality and starts thinking about his future .