Have you ever felt helpless and your life is being run by some bigger entity? Feels like you have no control at all over whatever is going on as this power just pushes you to do what it has planned for you .In your mind you picture the way things should be and plan ahead as well but it is going all the other way without your consent. You can compare it to a train going over the rails while try to derail and find out what's it like not to follow the rails but the courage is lacking the courage to jump the rails.Strange feeling but I just feel that way these days. What is it that makes me do what I do and why do I have to keep following the track against what my mind is saying ? Why can't I derail ? Is it the fear of the unknown,the fear of failure? During my life i think i have had my fair quota of failures and the fear of going beyond the next door and finding out what's there when i am already safe in my place makes me freeze.

  In my life  i always wanted what was sure and which had no surprises hidden inside ,and i liked people who you could rely on when the need arises not false ones who only clung to you as as long as it suited them.I always wanted certainty ,whatever  was real.Is this the way things are in the world? can i derail?????????????