People say it is very hard to be a parent.Well it’s harder when you are a single parent of two kids who are now  in the early years of being teenagers.When they were younger it was quite difficult to take care of but it never entered my mind that it was going to be a lot worse when they grew up.One would think that they will become more aware that they have to help with the everyday chores .I have my job to do as well.The opposite is happening at the moment .They expect that dinner is ready at the time they want.They want me to be available to drive them around to wherever they fancy, most of the time even when they could just take the bus without any hassle at all. I can’t understand the ugly faces when I have to say no. I love them with all my heart and I try to do whatever I can but it doesn’t mean that my life has to stop .I expect that they should understand all the sacrifices I’m doing and try to give a hand without me having to shout my head off sometimes.

         One thing that is bothering me lately is the way they seem to be getting more distant .Instead of opening up now at this delicate time in their life they seem to be shutting it all inside .Most of the time I don’t get any information of what is happening in their life,if there is any problem ,where they have been and who they met. They just come and go as they please without even a word sometime. I admit that I on occasions tend to forget that they told me they have some appointment but it is not the norm. I know I am getting older and memory suffers but not to that extent!!!!. Is this all part of becoming more independent?

   The girl is becoming more secretive .When I try to talk about it I get a wall, she tries to create some kind of excuse to get out of it.Maybe she thinks that me being male can't understand anything about her,her being female. I tend to think that her mum is telling her things to influence her and get her on her side. Lately she has been going to visit her almost all weekends and a few times when I pick her up later she always tries to start an argument about something or other. I admit I am not happy that they go to see her often but that’s normal in most separated couples as there is still some pain which lingers on. I never try to influence them though and when something slips out I quickly bite my tongue. Not an easy thing to do.It does hurt a lot when you feel you are doing your best to give them a good life and a good education  and then you don’t see that they are conscious of it all. They take it for granted that this is your duty to sacrifice yourself.It is your duty to clean and wash all the mess they make at home like you are the only one living there.Does it ever pass their mind to do some work at home to try and make life a bit easier for everyone ?Sometime they seem to say “ Who asked you to do it?”Why did you bother?

Yesterday I was talking to a client at the hotel .He is a very intelligent man who watches and evaluates the people around him. Same thing as I do funnily enough. Any way we started talking about this and that finally brought the subject to human behaviour and the way we tend to put people in boxes or pigeonholes sometimes without even really knowing the persons. A way of evaluating behaviour we don’t understand. We judge someone else on how much he behaves the way we want him to.. Is there a reason why some of us act in one way and some in another?.

           “Well “ he said “ I have been observing you a bit while I am here having my meals.I think that you are very similar to me. He said “You are quite shy in a way, but you have to be here in the restaurant and interact with the people as it is your job, but you wouldn’t do it if it was up to you. You tend to read the people very quickly and put them in different trays which you can name positive or negative, and then ignoring the ones in the negative tray. You aren’t very good interacting with the ones on the negative side.”

          Well this thing struck a chord inside me. Sounded strange to me that someone was watching me and giving so close an evaluation.  Weird. Well I have always said that I don’t particularly like being in a crowd that much.I have never understood those people who can’t live without having someone around them all the time. Going down to paceville or some wedding gives me no thrills at all. When I can, I try to get away from it all somewhere quite and relaxing far from the crowd as much as possible. That’s me.

      The bit about the way I evaluate people is very true and something I had never been told by anyone else before as long as I know. Normally I meet a lot of people due to my job , too many for my liking as I said already. I have to interview people for work as well so I have some experience of what I ‘m saying. Within a few minutes I meet someone I have this thing of putting whoever it is in the  ignore or positive tray. I don’t mean I hate or have something about this people but just that the ones in the ignore tray for me could even not have existed for me. One thing i always say is that I’ve never been able to hate ,not even my wife I suppose after all she did. I’m not able to do it. After a short time i tend to forget .I just ignore the person or persons and I am very good at that. A lot of time I try not to let this get in the way especially at work where it is important that you treat staff fairly even if in the ignore tray. It is very difficult at times.

. How can I interact with someone I have marked IGNORE.????/